Broken
by jj0511
Summary: What happens when we break ourselves beyond repair? Who will be there for us when we need to piece back everything together? This is a story of friendship, growing up, and just about anything else that you could encounter when your playing the long game. (Pairing: Joshaya)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"We navigate our world with the words we choose to define ourselves with. People will always say things about you. It's the way you choose to react to those words that will define who you really are."

Maya only let a handful of words describe who she really was. She was a 'baby girl' according to her mom every morning when her mom poured a stack of pancakes on her plate, and a 'trouble maker' to most of her teachers would tell her didn't hand in her homework. She was 'peaches' to Riley whenever she sat down near the Bay Window and listened to her story, and the 'world worst dancer' when she practiced that father-daughter's dance with Cory that magical evening. She let those words color her life.

But there was one color that stood out from the rest. It was her father had left it there first, and for the longest time in her life, she had berated herself for letting such a color into her life. Gray, to her, was just white tainted with black. It was a broken part of white; loss of meaning and underrated with void.

 _Broken._

The story of her life, really.

It was going to take her a couple of years, and a whole bunch of detours along the way, before she was going to come to peace with the grey on her canvas. But she was ready for the long journey that was waiting for her.

 _Bring it on World. Bring. It. On._

 **December 2016. Freshman Year.**

"Maya. Hey Maya!"

Maya turned around to see her best friend Riley came skipping towards her through the halls. She let out a groan as she rubbed the temples of her head. "Riley. What did I say about skipping and Monday mornings?"

"That being cheerful on a Monday should be banned by law?"

"Exactly." She smiled in satisfaction. "I have taught you well, oh little one."

"I've learned from the best." She said with one of her best goofy Riley smiles. It was almost impossible not to smile along with her.

"You look like you were up all night. Again." Riley said peering at her face as they walked along the halls to their lockers. "Did you stay up all night, again?!"

"No. Yes. Maybe…" Maya let her words wander. She wanted to speak but she couldn't say the words properly. It felt like her tongue was too big for her mouth, and her thoughts were too large for her mind. She needed caffeine, badly. The lure of caffeine from the nearest vending machine started to distract her. "Ohhh…Pretty lights."

Riley stepped in Maya's ways, with a stern look on her face. "No Maya." She said as if she was talking to a child, "You're not supposed to be drinking caffeine when you have a sleep problem.".

"I didn't have any coffee today." Maya whimpered as she tried to side-step her best friend, but the stern look of determination on her best friends face told her that she needed to step up her game if she was going to get that coffee.

So she did.

"Hey look, isn't that Lucas?"

"Where?" Riley whipped her head around as she frantically searched for her boyfriend. Maya quickly took out the quarter she had hidden in her pocket and pushed it through the soda machine before Riley could notice.

"Wait a minute…" Riley turned around, her eyes brimming with suspicion, but it was already too late. Maya smiled in satisfaction as she pulled out the Blueberry Soda that came tumbling down the machine a few seconds later.

"You do know that caffeine is supposed to be bad for you."

"Shhh- Don't be so rude, Joe can hear everything."

Riley raised one eyebrow in amusement. "Joe?"

"That's what I name every caffeine drink I have." Maya said definitively. "Because I want old Joe to know that whenever I drink something else, I'm still thinking about his black murky waters."

"Joe…as in a cup of joe? Right? Please tell me we're still talking about coffee."

"Shhh-" Maya said as she put a finger to Riley's lips. "Let me carry out my ritual in peace."

"What ritual-?"

But before she could say anything else Maya opened the can of soda in her hand and started chugging down the whole thing, not even bothering to stop to care about the strands of soda that were dripping from her chin. She didn't really need to care because she knew that she had an overprotective friend who was going to do that for her.

"Have some dignity woman!" Riley said as she tried to swipe the can from her hands before Maya could inflict permanent damage on her outfit.

"Swiper, no swiping." Maya growled.

Riley looked scared. "Oh NO. I let my best friend date a tin can."

"Technically, you let me date the stuff inside the tin can."

"That doesn't make me feel any better!" She wailed as the both walked the halls.

They were lucky that they had adjoining lockers, but that was the only luck they ever encountered in high school. They had only 2 classes together; one of them being Mr. Matthew's American History class. They even took different afterschool electives! Riley had school council every Tuesday and Thursday, and she had advanced art shop every Monday and Wednesday.

Advanced Art Club was basically the only thing that she really looked forward to. The fumes of paint and the splashes of different colors were all so vibrant and welcoming, and the people there were just polite enough to keep their distance to her. There wasn't any nosy teenager looking for drama, or a melodramatic wannabe who was going to make fun of her getting excited over the paint. It was the only place that she had actually felt safe, a place she knew she could put her guard down without having to worry about anyone else in the world. It was HER place.

"Do you have anything planned for the winter holidays?" Riley voice broke through her thoughts.

"Well, let's see. I could either, to your house. Or maybe I should go to your house and have dinner. No wait-" she said as she gripped Riley's shoulder for extra effect. "I could maybe go all out with it and go to your house and watch re-runs of cheesy Disney Christmas movies starring stars that are now totally wasted today!"

"I hate it when you get sarcastic."

Maya shrugged. "Get used to me because I'll be here all day."

Maya turned towards her locker and started pulling out her books for today's classes. She was almost through shoving the big history text-book through her satchel. "You really need to tell your dad it's time he embraced the fact that E-Textbooks are actually a thing."

A prolong silence overtook there conversation. Maya looked over her shoulder in confusion. "Riley? You there?"

Maya turned around and saw the ghost of a smile etched carefully on Riley's face. Uh-oh. "Wait-" she said as she backed away from Riley, who was actually doing quite a nice impression of the Joker, "I know that look-"

She heard her back crash against the metallic locker doors. "Please don't say it. Please don't say it. Please don't say-"

"You're invited to visit my grandparent's house in Philly!" Riley squealed in excitement. "Surprise!"

"You just had to say it." Maya groaned as she banged her head against the wall.

"Oh come one Maya-" Riley said as she took her by the arm and steered her away from the wall. "It's going to be fun. Just think about it, you, me and a bunch of stars that are going to follow us wherever we go…It's going to be perfect!"

Maya wished she could see things like Riley saw things. All she could see was the two of them shivering in the cold as old Grandpapa Matthews insisted on showing them how to 'properly chop wood from a tree.'

"That was only once!" Riley said defensively after she explained to her what she saw. "Anyways- This time it's going to be different!"

"Yeah really? How?" She challenged. "Because it's going to take a whole lot more than 'singing along with Riley near the fireplace' to separate me from my TV."

"The whole gang's invited, and Grandpa said that there was a new ski lounge built near the cottage that we could visit, and and-" Riley was desperately clutching on to anything that could somehow convince Maya that spending the holidays with her might not be as terrible as it was last time.

Last time they both got colds and had to spend the whole vacation in doors after accompanying Grandpapa Matthews outdoors for one of his old fashioned night-time walks. They bruised themselves afterwards when they both thought that it was okay to go skiing even though they had a cold. The only valuable lesson that they learned was that sneezing could do wonders to your hand-eye coordination.

"Why do you need me to be there with you Riley? You'll have Lucas to keep you company." She tried to reason.

Normally Maya loved spending time with the Matthews family. She enjoyed seeing how the Matthews siblings would banter, fight, and then eventually care for each other. The love that the family showed to her was more than welcoming; it was a gift that her original family could never give to her. But things have changed. This was the first Christmas that she was going to spend with her own family, and she was actually enjoying spending time with Shawn and her mom.

"But Lucas isn't Maya!" Riley protested.

Riley was determined to bring Maya along with her. This Christmas needed to be perfect for her. This was the first ever Christmas she was going to spend being a couple with Lucas. This was supposed to be the holiday that they were going to remember for the rest of their lives; the holiday they were going to tell to their kids when they grew up! This Christmas was going to be their sappy Christmas love story, and she was determined to make every aspect of the experience perfect.

And her life was never perfect without Maya.

"Yep. Sorry kiddo. But I think I'll keep my TV some company-" Maya said as she patted Riley on the shoulder before turning around and heading towards her next class.

"Josh!"

She stopped in her tracks.

"Josh is coming too! He's going to stay with us for the entire two weeks! Two weeks with Josh! In the woods!"

Maya turned around with a suspicious glow on her face. Riley peered at her hopefully as she waited for her best friend to say something.

"When are we leaving?"

Nothing weirded Riley out more than the thought of Josh and Maya together. Even though Josh was her uncle, due to the small age difference, Riley thought of him as a big brother. And even though Maya was her best friend, there was not one moment in her life when Riley didn't think of Maya as her sister. The two together meant that her brother and sister were…together… The mere thought left cold shivers down her spine.

So she never talked to Josh about Maya. At first it was because it was weird, (hence the cold shivers). It was awkward having to watch her best friend get all giddy and giggly in her uncle's presence, and it was unearthly that she had to be the one who dragged Maya back to Earth where she was. She wanted the best for Maya, and back then she was convinced that the best wasn't Josh.

Then things changed, drastically. That day, the day the both decid **e** d to sneak out to that collage party that was the day she was proven wrong.

At first she thought that Maya was just sneaking out to prove that she could break the rules. Then she saw actually saw something broke inside of her best friend's eyes when they saw Josh and his collage friends, all cozied up in a bed. She saw how clenched her jaws were, and how red her palms were getting from being balled up into a nervous fist. She saw how visually let down Maya was. That was exactly when Riley knew that what Maya had, wasn't a crush. It was something else. They were just too young to know what that something else exactly was. From that point on, she continued to not speak of Josh, but for different reasons. She didn't want to see her best friend break down again.

Time had passed, seasons changed, and so did their emotions as well. Maya fell in love with someone other than Josh; she had fallen into a triangle. And this triangle seemingly had no angle for him. It was relief that she knew her best friend couldn't be hurt again in that way, and she wasn't going to risk her chances again by bringing Josh in the picture.

But the triangle was over, but a new possibility of Maya getting hurt by Josh had begun. And as she looked at her phone, her fingers hovering over a familiar number, she knew that things needed to change. She dialed his number and wished for the best.

He picked up after 2 rings. "Uncle Josh?"

"Hey Riley, aren't you supposed to be in school?"

Riley could hear the sound of paper crinkling and people talking in the background. She assumed that he was at his favorite IT study café, "It's 8 Josh."

"Wait. Is there something wrong?" A grip of panic started to creep into his voice. "Is everyone okay?"

"Yes. Josh. Everything's fine-" Riley said in a rush.

She could hear Josh let out a sigh from the other side of the speaker. "Okay, so why did you call me?"

"Josh… can I ask you an eetsie bitsie favor?"

"Depends on the favor."

"It's about Maya."

Silence. Another sigh; it was like he was letting out a long held breath. "What do I need to do?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"So… can I ask you a question?" Riley asked.

Art just ended, and it seemed like her body was responding to the hour and a half of straining to paint the exactly right shade of red for her apple painting. The stains on her shirt were proof that she wasn't quite so and that she needed to learn how to hold a paintbrush more delicately.

The sun was shining through the window, basking her blonde hair in an angelic light. Maya sat perched on the window seat, her back warm from the sunlight. She watched her best friend rummage her closet to pick out the 'best holiday outfit for her magical getaway with Lucas.

Riley's words, not her's.

For a while, she silently contemplated if she should tell Riley that she was working on her second suitcase, but then quickly decided not to. Asking would only remind her that she needed to pack more. If Riley continued at this pace, Cory was going to need to buy a new car just to accommodate all of her suitcases.

Her best friend reminded her of a frenzied parrot as she flew in and out of her closet, occasionally shouting out how 'everything needed to be just perfect' over and over again. Maya never really cared for packing. She had skillfully mastered the art of packing light because she was trained to believe that she could never be welcomed in one place for a a long period of time.

"It depends on the question." She said as she tossed over to her side and watched her colorful parrot.

"How are things going with you and Josh?" Riley said in a rush.

Maya didn't say anything, but Riley knew that she had her attention. Before she could completely react, Riley ran into the closet only to come back with a hockey stick and hockey mask that was now completely covering her face. She went rigid as she braced herself for what was to come next. "Okay. Now I'm ready. Do your worst-"

Maya looked at her best friend in disbelief. "Do you really think I'm going to hurt you because you asked me about Josh?"

"Yes?"

"Smart girl." She said as she walked slowly towards Riley. She could see her wincing through the bars of her helmet when she took the hockey stick away from her. "But- you're my best friend, and best friends don't do that to each other." She helped Riley take off her helmet, "At least, that's what my best friend taught me."

"So, are you going to answer the question?" Riley asked hopefully.

"Why does something inside me tell me that there could be no possible right answer to this question?" She said narrowing her eyes in suspicion.

"I just need to know." Riley said as she fiddled with the top she was holding in her hands. "You two were something a couple of months back, and now you're acting as if nothing had happened."

"I am not!" Maya raised her voice defensively. "We're just taking a break."

"Taking a break from what?"

"I don't know." Her voice came out defeated. "I wish I did know."

Truth be told, the conversation she had with Josh back in September at that ski lodge was a memory that she was going to keep with her forever. They had a moment together, and even though it was only a couple of minutes, it was enough. Josh had finally let his guard down so she could take a sneak peek at what he was actually feeling. Maya knew that the promise of a future was better than not having a future period, so she took his words gratefully and hung on to them as tightly as she could. They were the only things that kept her sane while she was with Lucas and Riley. His promise was the only thing that kept her from feeling jealous at what they had.

However the time apart they had was challenging. Even though she knew that 'someday' was going to eventually happen any day, the distance between them only made her question how long the wait was going to be. She had assumed that she was able to wait for him. She had never expected how tedious the wait would actually be.

"Maya-" Riley said as she walked towards Maya.

"It's okay Riley. I'm fine. I really am."

"Maya. I'm worried about you."

"That's not a first-"

"I'm serious." She insisted. "You haven't been sleeping ever since we came back from that ski lodge, you rarely go out often, and you didn't even crack a smile when Farkle slip and fell on the floor while he was chasing a couple of butterflies that escaped from the science lab this morning."

"Riley! Do you really think that I would laugh at Farkle like that?!" she said as she brought her hands up to her chest, feigning offense.

Riley gave her a knowing look.

"Okay. Fine." She finally admitted. "I'm messed up. It's not like you didn't know that about me earlier."

"Is there something that I need to know that you're not telling me?" Riley asked quietly as she leaned in closer. She almost looked nervous as she said, "If you're still uncomfortable with me and Lucas being together just tell me. I want to know these things."

"I don't like Lucas that way Riley." Maya said starring straight into Riley's eyes. "He's a friend. There's nothing more to it. The triangle died the second-" She caught herself mid-sentence.

"The second Josh came back into your life?" Riley guessed.

"Smart girl." She grudgingly admitted.

"Then this is really just about Josh." Riley said it like a statement more than a question as a hint of relief colored her words. Riley hated to admit it, but she was scared for a second that the ugly three headed triangle of a monster was not actually dead, but very much alive and still hurting her best friend.

"This isn't about your Uncle Boing. It's…it's me. I just have to sort things out, and sorting things out takes a while." She smiled at her, but with despite her best efforts, the smile never quite reached her eyes. Much to her disappointment, Riley seemed to notice immediately.

"What is there to sort out? Please Maya-" Riley said as she climbed next to her. "Let me help sort things out with you."

Maya looked at her friend, and the painstaking look that was plastered on her face whenever she was stopped from solving a problem. She felt a pang of guilt for letting Riley taste the sourness that was her life.

"No." Maya said definitely. "You don't need to solve my problems Riley."

"I don't need to, but I want to!" Riley protested, "Why do you let me fix everyone's problem but yours?! Your problems matter the most to me Maya."

"Okay fine!" Maya said giving in to her concern. "What do you think my problem is then?"

Riley cautiously bit her lip; her tentative eyes watched her hungrily. "I just don't want you to forget that you have a today because you're so focused on a possible tomorrow."

Wow. "Did you get that from an inspiration card?" She asked suspiciously.

"No-" Riley said slowly. "I got it from watching my best friend waste the past 2 months in her life doing nothing with her life."

"Life doesn't revolve around romance. Just because I'm not romantically involved with someone doesn't mean that I'm wasting my life."

Riley gave her a knowing look before she pulled out a bucket that was hiding behind her bedroom table. The smell of pencil shavings filled the whole room.

 _Uh-oh._

"I found this last week when I went on a date with Lucas."

Maya silently prayed that someone was going to come through the door and save her from this conversation. But the big man upstairs never really listened to what she wished for and wanted, and the only noise she could hear were the cars passing by down the street.

"There's no way out of this, is there?" she winced.

"Let me guess, you spent at least a couple of hours doing nothing but shaving your art pencils?"

"Pff-No!..."

Riley gave her that look again.

"Okay fine. Yes." She said as she threw her hands up in the air in defeat. "And just to set things straight, it was 4 hours."

"Maya. I'm not telling you to be romantically involved with someone-"

"But you know you would be so happy if I was." She couldn't help but point out.

"It would be one of the greatest things that happened in my life!" Riley said giddily.

It was so easy to keep Riley side-tracked. All Maya needed to do right now was throw in a couple of puppies and purple cats and she would officially forget about her sudden urge of wanting to solve her problems.

"You need to stop putting your life on hold." Riley exhaled, clearly frustrated at herself for being distracted. "I'm sure the last thing that Josh would have ever wanted was for you to sit alone shaving pencils while he was out there living his own life."

"I know that." She admitted. "And I want that for him. I really do."

Maya got up and started to wander aimlessly around her room. She was so close to the verge of truth, she could feel it on the tip of her tongue. She didn't want to drag Riley into this mess though. Riley was supposed to be happy, happy with her new boyfriend and her new life in high school. Riley was supposed to be everything but being dragged into this mess.

But, with one look at her big brown eyes, a waft of emotion overtook her.

"I know that he's aware of the possibility of us being together, but I also know that he's relieved that it's still a possibility and not a true fact. I know that he cares about me, but I also know that he cares about me more like a little sister than a girl that could possibly interest him. I know that he's out there waiting for me, but I also know that he's not just out there, but exploring his possibilities."

Maya took a shaky breath and blinked rapidly wishing that the tears would just go away, " And I know that I might be the last person he thinks about when he sleeps, but I also know that the thought of me doesn't keep him awake all night. I know these things. I do."

"What can I do to help?"

"I'll tell you when I start to figure things out." She said as she held Riley.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 **December 18th**

"Are we there yet!?" Maya exclaimed from the back of the van.

"Maya. Honey, we have been driving for 20 minutes." Topanga said.

"Well why don't you sit in the back with these two geniuses and see how well time goes for you?" Her words came out snappier than she intended. But she suspected that anyone would turn this way if they were stuck with these lovebirds who were chirping their love to each other in equations.

"Farkle. Stop bothering Maya with educational knowledge." Riley tried to reason. She was sitting in the middle row with Lucas and Zay.

Maya's expression started to tinge with discomfort as she watched Riley and Lucas together. Just being in their presence was agonizing beyond her expectations. She knew that the triangle was over, and she knew that she had different feeling for Lucas now than she had a couple of months back, but the distinction of those feelings was still uncharted for her.

Sometimes she wondered if she had only imagined the distinction in the first place.

Everything was confusing to her. Certain uncertainties worried her more than others. It felt like her feelings had retreated into the shadows ever since the trip to the ski lodge, giving light to the closure that they needed for their friendship.

Josh was the only one who had actually set light to her mysterious shadows, revealing her longing for him. The mere thought of his cryptic smile sent a warm sensation through her body, and his words alone made her want more. With Josh, she was always in a rush for more. She was desperate with need; the fire that he had left lit was powerful inside her, threatening to swallow her whole. But in moments of clarity, she couldn't help but wonder if she was actually feeding the fire herself. She needed its bright and vicious lights to distract her from the shadows of her unknown emotions.

That was why she was so unstrung from seeing him again. She was afraid that the fire within her was going to die out the second she saw his indifference to her. She was petrified at the mere possibility of being left in the dark, once again.

Her feelings towards Lucas were just that. Dark and mysterious; dangerous and threatening because they were unfamiliar. With Lucas, she had never wanted more. Probably because what he gave to her was always enough. He knew exactly what to say, and how to react when she found herself in certain situations. He was good for her, and his attention alone would always feel just right. Even now as she watched him stare contently into Riley's eyes, she was fine. If Riley was what he wanted in life, then she was going to have to learn how to make do with the agonizing discomfort that shot through her mind.

"Hey, want to change seats?" Zay asked Maya desperately. Thanks to Cory, Zay was forced to sit in between Riley and Lucas. That didn't stop the two from smoldering each other, leaving one very comfortable and sweaty Zay.

"I'm sorry no can do. I'd rather be with my dear friends discussing the current events of the scientific society then be there with you."

"Wow." Zay looked taken back. He whipped his head towards Lucas and said sincerely, "That's saying something."

Lucas smirked as he diverted his attention back to Riley.

The whole Matthews family, her included, was now embarking on what Cory Matthews puts it, 'A Family Winter Journey.' This made no sense what so ever to her because her real family was probably sitting in front of a cozy fire drinking Shawn's famous hot coco, while she was stuck in a van that was clearly not built to seat 8 people.

"Can anyone tell me what we are going to do once we get up there?" Smackle asked.

"I second that-" Maya yelled.

"Maya. You can only second a motion." Farkle reminded her.

Maya groaned. The things she had to do because she loved these people. She got up, (which was pretty hard considering the fact that they were all seated in a van,) and then shook her body a little before touching Smackle. She then turned around and gave Farkle a smug look.

"I give up!" Farkle exclaimed. His words were posed to be irritated but he was having a hard stopping the smile that was creeping up on his face.

"We should just focus on getting settled in first. Eric and Morgan said they were going to come a week later, and Josh is already up there." Cory said as he gave a knowing look to Maya through the side mirror.

Maya could feel the blood rush through her face as she quickly turned to look away. Everyone seemed to know about their promise. She had even overheard Cory and Topanga bet on how long it was going to take until they finally realized that being together was better than being apart. Cory betted on 1 year, Topanga betted on four. Maya had secretly hoped that Topanga was wrong this time.

"It's been…what, two months since we've seen your uncle, right Riley?" Zay asked as he turned to the brunette on his left.

"3 months and three days." Maya corrected.

Zay nodded solemnly. "Yep. This officially makes me the sanest person in the group."

A murmur of agreement rose between the clutters of conversations.

* * *

A siren and a swirl of green. There was always a siren in Philly. Maya never really understood how every time she crossed the border over to Philly, she would always hear a siren in the distance. It was like the universe was telling her how she didn't belong over in this uncharted land. The bright ray of the sunshine that would peek through the tree branches had intruded into her sight, ultimately waking her up. She lifted her head from Farkle's shoulder. His arm was tightly wrapped around her shoulder as if he was trying to protect her from something.

"He was worried that you were getting cold." Corry Matthews said when he noticed that she was finally awake.

Maya let her gaze wander to Farkle's peaceful face. "Farkle will always be Farkle."

"You're lucky you have him."

"Yeah-" Maya said as she loved over at his peaceful face. "I don't know what I would do without him."

"Nervous?" Corry asked.

She blinked in confusion. "About skiing?"

"Yeah, sure."

She looked out towards the windows and saw that the whole world was softly covered in white. It felt magical, as if the universe was giving everyone a chance for a new start. "I just hope it doesn't hurt." She murmured under her breath.


	4. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Hey kids!" Alan shouted from the kitchen.

Riley's grandfather and grandmother were busy in the kitchen, cooking away a festive storm when they saw their son and his extended family walk through the door. There were pots and pans of all sorts that covered every kitchen surface. The strong aroma of meat and spices was almost overpowering. It was as if someone had just thrown a handful of spices in their face. Their sudden appearance generated a long stream of greetings, both parties equally excited to see each after such a long time.

"Finally! We thought you were never going to come!" Amy said as she welcomed everyone with a big hug. Amy loved having Cory and his extended family over. With Eric busy with his political work (dear god, please help this world), Morgan busy with whatever she was doing, Cory a state away, and her baby Josh now finally gone from her arms, she was craving family affection.

When it came to Maya's turn, Amy hesitated for a moment. The way she held Maya's gaze hinted that there was no real stranger to what was happening between her and Josh. "Welcome home Maya."

"Thanks for having me." Maya said as she returned her hug. She had always loved how okay it was to feel vulnerable in Amy's arms.

"Nonsense. You're always welcome here." Amy said starring straight into her eyes.

Maya smiled weakly back.

"Well, you should all get unpacked. The boys, you get a room on the second floor next to Josh's room. Girls, you get to bunk in the attic." Aron said as he whipped his hands with the nearest kitchen towel.

"What about me, Dad? Where do I get to sleep?" Cory perked up.

"Huh. Forgot about you." Aron said as he scratched his head, "I guess there's always the basement-"

Cory's face fell profusely.

"Honey, stop jerking him around." Amy chastised. "Cory and Topanga I'll show you to your rooms."

Amy ushered Cory and Topanga upstairs, probably eager not only to catch up, but also to check and see how her eccentric daughter in law packed for the winter holidays. It wasn't that she didn't trust her. She just didn't trust her to live up to her expectations.

Alan grunted before he came sauntering over towards the gang. "So. Let me guess. You're Ranger Rick."

Lucas looked over to Maya in disbelief. "When did you-?"

Maya waved her hands in the air like it was nothing. "It might have slipped my mouth a couple of times…"

"A couple?"

"Okay, give or take from a thousand."

Alan scanned the lean and tall boy in front of him. He was good looking; he had to give him that. And the way he carried himself said something about how confident he really was. But he had lived long enough to know that there was a slight difference between being confident and being cocky and cocky was the last thing he wanted for his only granddaughter.

He peered carefully at Lucas with watching eyes. "I'm watching you." And he was really planning on to. Until he made sure that this boy was worthy enough for his little and only granddaughter.

"Okay Grandpa. That's enough-" Riley said nervously as she shoved Lucas away from any future harm. The two walked towards the hall way. Well, walking was an understatement. One was pushing and the other was shaking profusely. Farckle, Zay and Smackle all followed as they lugged their luggage upstairs to their rooms.

Alan snorted as he turned to Maya. He had always valued her opinion; there was a depth in her eyes that mirrored experience. "What do you think? Is he worth it?"

"He makes Riley happy." She compromised.

"Is that enough though?" Alan countered back.

"Isn't that all we ever want in life?"

Aron fell briefly silent. "Is that what you want?"

"It's what I want for Riley."

Alan observed the delicate mess that was in front of him. It pained him to see her so broken and confused. But that was the beauty in Maya. Somehow her flaws made her more engaging."That's good, but I was talking about you. What do you want?"

"With me, all you have to do is stay."

Alan sighed. "I guess I'm with you on that one. Romance is for suckers."

Maya snorted. "Don't let Riley hear you say that."

"She'll figure it out someday, and you will too." He said as he flashed a familiar cryptic smile.

Josh was a lot like Alan. They both had that skinny fit build and matching blue eyes. Josh even took after Alan's ability to smirk in the most enticing way possible. Maya would sometimes look at Alan and imagine that this was how Josh was going to turn out if he grew old.

Then she would wonder if she would still be in his life even then.

"So… was he worth it?" Alan asked again.

"Who? Lucas"

Alan nodded. "Was he worth all the trouble?"

"You know about the triangle?" She asked in disbelief as she diverted her accusing eyes to Cory and Topanga who had just came back downstairs.

Both raised their hands in surrender, "Hey, we didn't do it!"

"Then who…?" She turned slowly to Zay who was smiling right back at her. "You?" She snarled.

"Hey, he made me!" He shouted in defense, his voice slightly shaking.

"How?"

"Well I said, 'Do you want to hear an interesting Maya-Riley and Lucas story? And he said yes!' "

"I will tear you apart from your seams." She growled at him as she plunged forward to make do with her promise.

Maya never knew that Zay could run that fast.

"Hey! No tearing each other apart without my permission." Alan said as he gently touched her shoulders, pulling her back from possible murder. He liked this girl, and intended to keep her around as long as he possibly could. He couldn't do such a thing if she was a murder.

"I'm just glad that you guys didn't let some guy get in the way of your friendship."

"Well… he wasn't just some guy." Maya admitted as she turned around.

Alan's eyes shot up in amusement. "I'll believe it when I see it."

"Then you won't have to see much longer because he's absolutely perfect for Riley."

"And he wasn't for you?"

She opened her mouth to say something, but immediately closed it when she was aware that there was nothing to say. His eyes prodded hers gently but he didn't let his words pry. He seemed to have understood her silence.

"I'll help you with your bags." He said as he heaved her bags on his shoulder. Maya watched as Aron walked away from the mess she had supposedly made.

Smackle and Riley were already unpacking as bits and pieces of clothing started to slowly litter the floor when she had arrived. The attic was small, but quite cozy as three singular beds lined the walls; two on the right one on the left. The worn out rug on the floor and the rugged wallpaper showed little discrepancy to the cabins you would see in fairytales. Off to the side there was a window overlooking the woods, and a small window seat perched alongside it. Of course. There just had to be a Bay Window wherever Riley went.

"Maya!" Riley screamed, "Don't you just love it here?! Everything's so cozy and warm and…and…"

"It seems like my inferior intellectual friend is trying to say that she enjoys the accommodation this cabin has made to adapt into its bewildering surroundings."

"Um-Yeah." She said as she watched Riley hyperventilate over how fluffy the pillows were.

 _Why did she always have to befriend the weird ones?_

May climbed over the mounting piles of clothes as she hauled her luggage to the bed that was empty next to Riley's. The bedspread was old and dusty, and as she patted it, a waft of wood chippings filled the air. The springs creaked silently under her weight. It felt like she was back at summer camp again, instead this time there was no noisy counselor shouting at her to stop putting spiders down her back.

"Grandma said that dinner was going to be ready by 7. She made you're favorite cinnamon pumpkin pie, just for you."

Maya felt her insides clench together. Dinner time, for the Matthews family, always meant family time, and family time meant having to see Josh again. The way she missed him was so surreal. She missed how his kind eyes would secretly search hers, how her whole skin would tingle when his arms would brush against hers. She craved being in his presence, more so than in the past. His sudden confession had given breathed in a light of hope for a future. She was so scared that it would slip away from her trembling fingertips. She wasn't ready to give up on hope. Not yet, anyways.

"Maya seems visibly stiff." Smarkle commented. "Isn't she supposed to be happy for cinnamon pie?"

"This is my happy face."

"Oh." Smarkle said as she leaned into Riley and whispered, "Please tell me in advance to run if she's anything but happy."

"Will do." Riley whispered back solemnly.

To her dismay, Josh didn't come home from dinner, nor did he even show his face during dessert. Half the time she discreetly wished that the door would just vanish before her eyes. No door meant no possibilities of being let down. She knew what rock bottom felt like, and she wasn't ready to touch down on its cold concrete floor just yet.

"Okay. Something is officially wrong with her." Amy finally announced after she put an extra scope of vanilla ice cream on her pie only to her dismay to see that Maya had barely noticed. "Should we call the doctor?"

"I think she's gone into shock." Lucas said in concern. He waved his hands in front of her eyes. Maya growled back.

"Okay. She's definitely not in shock." He confirmed.

"I'm fine, okay?" Maya said defensively.

Lucas gave her a questioning look which she ignored. She needed answers, not more questions. "I'm just tired. I had to help Riley unpack all of her things."

A general consensus of understanding rose through the table. Topanga and Riley were insufferable when packing; both just didn't know when to stop preparing.

"You did?" Riley asked in dismay.

Maya starred at her real hard. "Yes. I. Did." She said emphasizing each word.

"Oh-! Yeah-" Riley finally said, her eyes filled with recognition, "she helped me with…with…with my sweaters!"

Maya groaned before she touched Riley's arm in reassurance, "You did great honey. We all knew that that was hard."

Cory was quick to catch on. "If you girls need some resting, you girls should probably call it a day." Cory said as he picked up his plates. "The boys and I will do the cleaning this evening. Why don't you all go upstairs and get ready for bed?"

"We will?" Farkle asked genuinely curious

Someone kicked him under the table. Maya had a hunch that it was Riley. He doubled over groaning, "Okay we will."

Maya followed Riley and Smackle upstairs, her arms tightly wrapped around Riley's and her ears rigidly focused on any possible noise of an engine that came from the outside. The lights of the nearby ski lounge seemed to be taunting her; constantly reminding her off a storm that was going to brew real soon. It was hard to enjoy her peace with so much unsolved anticipation tightly knitted within her.

So she waited. She waited until the droplets of water on the floor near Smackle's bed dried; only leaving their dark shadow traced on the cold wooden floor. She waited until Riley finished her round of goodbyes to everyone who was in the house before she tucked herself in be. She waited until the only sound she heard was the subtle moans of the wind in the distance before she got up, only to wander to the porch downstairs. She needed the fresh air, and the possible clarity that the air might bring.

But the second she stepped outside, the only thing that came crystal clear to her was that venturing out in the middle of a winter night without a sweater should be deemed hazardous.

She was about to go back inside when something bright caught her eye. It was the moon.

The moon was Maya's only friend when she was little, up until she had meet Riley and Farkle. It was always there for her, waiting beside her bedroom window to listen to whatever she had to say that day. It was there to comfort her on the most horrendous days, when she thought the screaming and fighting coming from across the corridor would never stop, and the best part about the moon was that she knew it was never going to judge her.

"Hey." She whispered softly, her words directed towards the milky sky. "I know we haven't talked much lately, but I kind of need your help right now…" She took a deep shaky breath before she continued, "What do you do when you think you're caring too much?"

"He didn't come tonight, and I was relieved. He wasn't there tonight, and I cared too much until I stopped caring at all. And… I don't want that to happen. Not with him, anyways. I want to miss him and I want to know that I can miss him without feeling like I'm on the verge of losing something."

"Hey Maya."

A low and familiar voice broke through the silence that was wrapped around her. She looked up and saw Josh. His careful blue eyes searched hers, and just like that, with one glance, he had managed to undo everything that was done.


	5. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Josh." She breathed out.

Her little figure froze right before his eyes, as she looked up at him in bewilderment. The angelic blond hair cascaded down her delicate shoulders, as her face bore nervousness within each crease. He didn't intend to surprise her; heck he didn't intend anything. All that he perceived was a small girl shivering from the midnight cold.

"It has been a while."

She let out a shaky laugh. His whole presence seemed to have shaken her. "Three months and three days. Four if it's past midnight."

"You've been counting?" He asked incredulously.

She shrugged. He watched as the blond hair bounced along with every motion she made. "Someone's got to be keeping track."

She took a couple of steps toward him. "Why didn't you come to dinner today?" She breathed out; the white smoke that came out of her mouth conveniently clouded the distance between them, creating an illusion that they were not so far apart.

"I had things to do."

She snorted, "As usual."

"Maya, it's freezing outside."

She seemed so exposed, with only a T-shirt and flannel pajama pant. The first thing that went through his mind was that he needed to do something about it.

But he hesitated, at first, because that was who he was. He was a coward who couldn't even give the girl he liked his sweater because he was afraid of what might come of it. He didn't want his intentions to be misinterpreted, especially by her. He didn't want to give her any space for hope when he wasn't even sure what she was supposed to hope for

 _Fuck this._

He walked towards her and draped the sweater he was wearing over her shoulders. It was ridiculous how huge his sweater seemed when it was worn by her.

"I know that." She was irritated, like she normally is when she think he's ''babying' her.

"Doesn't look like it though."

She looked down at her red arms, as if she was just realizing how her body was reacting to the cold. "Huh."

She gave in and let him bent down to button up the wool sweater, masking his face away from her tentative watch. He didn't want her to see how much it bothered him that she was freezing cold. His clumsy hands fumbled with each button. He could feel her inching away from him.

He let out a sharp intake of breath. "Maya. You have to stay still."

"I know, I know… It's just that… Nothing." She promptly ended.

He wanted to ask her what she wanted to say, but realized that it was best not to push her. So he did what he thought she needed the most, he stood next to her silently.

Minutes that seemed like hours passed by without a single utterance from the two of them. In the back of his mind he wondered what they would look like to people who were looking at them from afar. Would they look like two old friends who were looking out into the night sky, or would they be perceived as passing acquaintances?

But in the end, did it really matter?

 **Lucas's Perspective.**

"Lucas."

He turned around and saw Riley walk towards him. He quickly pulled the curtains to block Riley from seeing what he was seeing. "Riley."

It was the middle of the night, the clock on their bedroom wall was telling everyone that it was half past midnight, but his body was telling him that he didn't need the sleep. He wandered off towards the window seat and sat under the light of the moon, basking in the warmth and comfort that his bed couldn't provide to him.

That was when he saw her.

"Maya." He breathed out.

She was leaning against the porch rail as she seemed to look out into the road. She was being reckless again, putting herself out in the cold without even a sweater. But that was Maya. She did what she wanted to do, what her heart told her to do. She was a character of instinct, and instinct never followed common sense.

He traced her figure against the window and let his fingers rest upon her hands. Maya had what he liked to call 'an artistic hand'; they were always colored with dashes of paint that she couldn't quite remove. The bright dashes of color were an immaculate epitome of how stunning chaos really was.

It had become a habit of his; looking at Maya's hands. Today, Maya's hands were bright red.

He remembered losing all reason and seeing red too.

 _She was out there waiting for him_. He told himself, the least he could do for her was to wait with her from afar.

So he waited. With every second that passed, something deep down in his conscience told him to go out and pull her back into the safety and warmth of the house, maybe even attempt to breathe some sense into her. But something was pulling him back, or someone to be precise.

He couldn't do that to her. Riley deserved more. He had promised to give her more, and he was loyal to his promises. Riley was everything he had wanted, and it all but took the thought of possibly losing her to someone else to realize that what he really wanted. There wasn't a second in his life after that trip, when he regretted his decision. Riley was what he knew he wanted.

Everything should have been over after that. He knew that the triangle should have died the second he had chosen Riley over Maya. He knew he shouldn't be feeling angry that Maya was putting herself out there for another person. He knew these things, like he had always known that Riley was the best choice for him.

But everything he knew escaped out through the window the second he saw Josh.

He never liked the guy, he never really knew why. He was just too perfect for his taste. He had the perfect family, perfect grades, and the guy even had the whole 'smile charmingly with dimples' thing got going for him.

He was leaning in closer to watch when he heard his innocence call out his name.

"What are you doing?" Riley said, still rubbing her eyes from her dreariness. "Why aren't you in bed?"

Riley still managed to take his breath away, even when she was only in her pajamas. He pulled the curtains, blocking any possible view Riley could have. "I should ask the same thing to you."

"Maya's gone. I was watching her and then I wasn't, and now she's gone."

She was still speaking in fractured sentences, her brain still not entirely awaken from her slumber. "Maya's gone." Her eyebrows burrowed in confusion.

Lucas smiled as he pulled her into his arms, retreating into her long luscious brunette hair. He needed the reassurance, he needed his safe place. "She just went out for a walk. She's going to come back."

"Okay." She whispered back contently because she believed him. She always believed in what he had said.

The stood their together alone in the silence, not speaking a single word. There wasn't a single word in his mind that he could say to her without risking what he had with her.


	6. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 **December 19th**

The first thing that everyone noticed when they had woken up was Josh's motorcycle parked in front of the garage. Amy had noticed it first when she came down early to prepare her famous blueberry pancakes for breakfast that morning.

Amy had always had a love and hate relationship with her son's motorcycle. It was loud, obnoxiously large, and was a constant reminder of the missing piece of innocence that he should have never lost. It wasn't like Josh to do something so reckless, so she couldn't understand why he was always so stubborn on riding that monstrosity. She had first thought that it was a phase, that his fascination with the bike would just go away when his next infatuation came along. But the next thing never came.

The only thing that she ever really liked about Josh's used beat up Harley was that it brought her son back home to her.

"He's back." She said to Alan who was mixing the pancake batter. "I swear, one day I'm going to tear that thing piece by piece when he's away. And I will enjoy every moment of it."

"Just don't drag me into it." Alan said as he whipped the batter. Bits of pancake dough flew out of the bowl and started to stick to his arms. He quickly turned away from Amy before she could see the damage he was doing, but there was actually no need to take such precaution. His wife was too focused on their son's bike to actually notice anything else.

"I don't see what the big fuss with boys and bikes is." Amy said in distaste, "I mean, why couldn't he just get a perfectly safe car like most boys his age?"

"The thrill? The girls?" Aron said as he reminiscenced about the days he rode a bike. It was before he had met Amy. Riding his bike was one of the most reckless things he had done in his life, but it was also an experience that he was never going to regret.

But he was never going to admit that to his wife. He valued his life too much.

"He does not need a bike to get him girls." She said definitely. Josh was easily a handsome looking guy, not only to her standards, but to everyone else's as well. She had 17 windows that had fallen into victim by angry hormonal teenage girls in her garage to prove her claim.

Alan shrugged his shoulders, "Girls like guys who ride bikes. It makes them look all bad and tough."

"That's ridiculous. What kind of girl would like a guy like-"

Both stopped what they were doing and turned slowly towards each other, their mirrored expressions were distorted into shock and panic.

"Maya." They both uttered out.

"Riley! Riley, wake up! It's urgent!"

An insistent voice was calling out to her, but the sound was diluted with her drowsiness. The sunlight that escaped the curtains illuminated her skin, warming her up from the cold the night had brought. In her drowsy mind, the only thing urgent was the fact that her pillow was in desperate need of extra stuffing. The stiff ache in her neck had kept Riley up all night.

"Go away." She said as she swatted the voice away. "Riley's sleeping now, please don't leave a message after the beep. Beep." She said as she turned away from the voice, burrowing her head in the pillows as deeply as she could.

"Josh's back."

Riley's eyes flew wide open.

Everyone who was seated at the table was briefed on today's situation by Riley, who was now teaching them on what to do and not to do when encountered with 'the almost couple'.

"Don't make any puns with the words 'someday'. No one is allowed to talk about anyone who is in a relationship with an age difference or collage parties, or any collage sorority girls that Josh might know."

Farkle and Smackle were jotting everything down as if they were preparing for a test, Cory and Topanga were holding each other's hands, as if they were waiting helplessly for a terrible storm to hit, Lucas was banging his head against the wall in an attempt to wake his senses, and Auggie had run to his room only to come back with a football helmet over his head.

"Yep. I'm still the sanest one here." Zay muttered under his breath.

"Do you think they met last night?" Cory asked as he passed a stack of his mom's famous blueberry pancakes around.

"I don't know. All I know is that Maya had gone for a walk in the middle of the night." Riley admitted. "There is a possibility that they could have met."

Both Josh and Maya were sleeping in this morning. Sleeping in, for Maya, came as natural to her a breathing. But Josh rarely slept in. He was the kind of guy who would always come through the door after finishing a morning jog when everyone else was just groggily waking up. Him sleeping in only placed more validation to Riley's theory.

"How do you know that?" Farkle questioned.

There was nothing she could say. Riley couldn't possibly let anyone know that it was Lucas who had told her this last night before she fell asleep in his tight arms. She wasn't going to risk any possibilities of being grounded during her romantic winter get-away holiday extravaganza. But she was more testing to say a lie. "A little bird told me."

Zay was quick to catch on. "Does this little bird happen to come from Texas?"

Riley kicked Zay from under the table. Cory looked appalled but didn't dare to pry any further. He knew that his heart wasn't ready to hear whatever his daughter had to say and he really didn't need any confirmation to his worst fears

"It was just a metaphor!" Zay said as he doubled over from Riley's attack.

"I think they got together!" Riley announced, more than keen to switch the subject.

Topanga groaned in defeat as she handed Cory a twenty dollar bill. Cory took it smugly and pocketed the cash. This was probably the first time he had ever won in a bet with Topanga. He was planning on framing the money and hanging it near their fireplace once they got back home.

"How do you know that? Did the little birdy tell you that too?" Auggie asked innocently. There was no way he could have known that the little birdie was sitting right next to him.

"Just-" Riley said wistfully, "I can feel the romance in air!"

Cory groaned as he handed back Topanga her money.

"Do you think they shared oral cavity intercourse?" Smackle brought up. "Because I had once read that once two intellects share a mental assenting harmony, they procced to move on to more advanced physical practices."

Amy started choking profusely.

"Is that a metaphor too?" Zay said through his smile.

Lucas's who was leaning against the window jerked his head up towards Smackle.

"What she means is kissing. She's talking about kissing!" Farkle was quick to correct the mistake his girlfriend had made. He was pretty sure Amy was capablr of poisoning Smackle while she was here had said meant anything else.

"I am all for them sharing… oral cavity intercourse. If you know what I mean." Zay snickered as he waggled his eyebrows.

"No." Lucas voice was clear as it cut through the awkwardness.

"I'm sorry I didn't hear you." Zay said feigning apology, "The birds were chirping in my ear.

"They didn't kiss. They couldn't have kissed. They aren't going to kiss."

"And why is that Lucas?" Riley asked quietly.

The tension in the air started to rise, bubbling to the surface of everyone's conscience. Lucas glared at Zay, but didn't dare to say another word. "I just know." He said in a finalizing tone.

Riley opened her mouth to say something, but quickly shut them out when she started to hear footsteps from the stairwell.

"Okay places everyone. Be natural." Riley said breaking out of her trance, traces of bruised emotions lingered. Lucas kept it to himself, along with the guilt that was growing inside of him. "What could possibly go wrong?"

Maya had just finished with her shower and was heading towards the stairs when someone had caught her from behind and pulled her away from the noise and laughter that was the Matthews family. Her back flew into the wall beside her as her eyes flew wide open. She looked up in surprise only to see a set of deep blue eyes starring playfully back at her.

"Wow Boing." She said after a few blinks. Her back was still on the wall. "If you wanted to talk all you had to do was ask."

"I didn't mean to pull you that hard." Josh said apologetically as he stepped back to give her some space. "I'm sorry."

He was wearing an NYU sweatshirt and flannel pajamas, his hair sticking up in all the right directions as he bright blue eyes glistened with something dangerous when they locked eyes. Just the sight of him sucked the air out of her lungs.

Maya silently berated herself for having nothing to say. Her mind went blank, or to be more specific, they were painted bright blue leaving no room for her thoughts and opinions. Words were jumbled inside her mouth and she had just the enough of her sanity to make sure that they didn't come tumbling out.

"Maya-"

The way he said her name brought tingles all over her. Was she deranged, or did she hint a flavor of need too?

Maya smiled in success as she let a waft of mint overtake her senses. She rested his eyes on his smile; his lips. "If you wanted to talk all you had to do was ask."

"Sorry." Josh uttered but he didn't take a step away from her. She noticed that.

"So?" She questioned still not moving, or letting him move either.

He smiled softly, "Riley's probably down there prepping everyone on how to act around us, and were up here not even knowing how to act around each other."

"So what do you propose?"

"That we act as if nothing had happened."

She felt her heart drop down to her stomach. Everything that she feared was happening and in such a fast pace. She wanted to grab his words and stuff them back in his mouth, hoping that by doing so everything would turn back into a blissful state of ignorance.

"But something happened."

"No. Something might happen someday, but nothing has happened."

"You just had to be realistic." She muttered under her breath. Ironically her voice seemed stronger than her state of mind. She needed to end this conversation before he took it to levels beyond repair. "Then you're still my high school crush and I'm still the silly high school girl who can't even take a hint."

"Maya." His voice was dangerously strained as he started to avoid her stare.

"Josh-" She could feel him slipping away into his own retreat. "Then what am I to you?"

"You're my niece's best friend and you're a 9th grader and your 3 years younger than me-"

"Wow." She was just realizing that something terrible was happening. The space around her got smaller. "So that's all I am to you? A bunch of excuses? Or maybe a young high school student who you throws herself at you at every chance she gets? Is that why you keep me around, to boost your self-esteem?!"

"Maya, would you just stop!"

Tears started to form in her eyes. She didn't want to stop. "You know what Josh? You said you wanted to know what I thought about you? Well here's the answer… I think that we're two characters in some stupid twisted up incomplete love story. And, for once in my life, I want to finish the whole book. I really do- but.."

"But?" He questioned.

"But there's so little I could do when we're not on the same page."

And with that she left.

"Did you just hear something?" Riley said her ears perking up to a sudden sound that was coming from the door.

"Oh! I think I know who that is." Amy said as she got up to the door. "I wasn't expecting her so early in the morning."

"Who is it?" Cory asked.

"Oh- Just one of Josh's neighborhood friends. She said that she was going down to the ski lodge to help out so I asked if she could drive Josh and everyone else."

"You invited her?! Are you out of your mind woman?" Alan said as he grabbed Amy from answering the door. "Does Josh know that you invited her?"

"Stop overreacting Alan. She's practically family, and I am not letting my son drive around in that monstrosity outside, not under my watch."

"I'm the one overreacting? You invite your son's high school sweet heart over for breakfast and I'm the one overreacting?" Alan hissed.

"You…WHAT?!" Riley screeched.

"Uh-I think she's the one overreacting." Zay pointed out with his fork.

"You invited Sophie over?" Cory screamed.

"I had no choice! She had come over before you came along, and one thing lead to another and-"Amy continued helplessly.

The doorbell kept ringing through the air. "Hello? Is anyone home?"

"Isn't anyone going to get the door?"

Everyone turned around and saw Maya starring back at them from the kitchen door. Her hair was wet on the ends and she had a brave smile plastered on her face. Only Riley had noticed how fake it looked with the sadness in her eyes, and how pink the brims of her eyes were.

"Okay fine I'll get it." She said as she sauntered towards the kitchen door.

Before anyone could stop her, Maya flung open the door and welcomed the chaos that was about to ensue in her life.


	7. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Hi." A perky red head said to her. "I'm looking for Josh. Is he here?"

"Yes. And you are?" Maya asked in stunned silence.

She was beautiful, that was what she was. The artist in Maya started to break down everything about the masterpiece in front of her. Her auburn hair was cropped into a short pixie cut that framed her delicate face. She had bright green eyes that glistened with amusement as she looked down on Maya. The corners of her mouth were turned up in a secret smile, as if she was in on the biggest secret in the world. The way she moved so effortlessly made her look like a pixie rather than a human being.

"My name's Sophie. I live next door." She thrust her hand out for a handshake. "I was looking for Josh."

"Sophie."

Maya turned around and saw Josh standing behind her. Her composure almost fell apart once she saw the look that was so blatantly plastered on his face.

Yearning. He was waiting for her.

"Why are you here?"

"I thought we could go down to the ski lodge together. Conner called last night and said that I could come along. I thought you knew all this…" She added as she peered at his quizzical expression. "Wasn't that the reason why you asked for a ride?"

"What are you talking about? I never asked you for a-" Josh stopped and slowly turned towards his mom, "Mom-"

"Hi, Mrs. Matthews." Sophie said as she peered from around Maya. "Sorry I didn't call before coming."

"Nonsense! There's no need to call when you live next door!" Mrs. Matthews shouted out. Maya felt a pang of betrayal. She had always thought that Riley's grandparents were on her side. "You should come in, it's cold outside."

"I don't know about that. I wouldn't want to give Josh a heart attack." She said as she got up nervously.

"Too late for that." Farkle muttered under his breath.

"Don't be silly! Josh is happy to see you, aren't you Josh?" Amy chirped.

Josh kept to his stunned silence as he stared at Sophie as if he was silently daring her to cross the threshold.

"Oh! Would you look at that! I think I need to go down town and start on my late Christmas shopping! Alan, Topanga, Cory-" She said as she motioned towards the living room. "Why don't you join me?"

"But Mom- It's just getting good!" Cory protested.

"I would join her if you favor your life." Alan leaned in to whisper in his son's ears.

Everyone, excluding Lucas, Riley and Farkle were out of the room in less than three seconds.

"Okay then. That was that." The fact that the Matthews family left them in such a swift manner didn't seem to faze her. This was only more proof that this girl was close to the Matthew's family.

Maybe even closer than she was.

Sophie said as she turned towards Josh, completely ignoring the fact that Maya was still right in front of her. She jostled the keys that were in her hand, a greedy smile on her face. "Let's get out of here. Conner's not getting any younger."

"I can't."

"Why? Are you stuck baby-sitting?" The words escaped her mouth before she even realized what she had said.

That did it. "If he was stuck baby-sitting than he would follow you now wouldn't he sweet heart?" Maya retorted.

Sophie's glaze snapped into focus as she starred down at the feisty blonde who was glaring back at her. The long secret smile of hers slowly spread across her face as she peered down at Maya. "You must be Maya. I've heard a lot about you. Josh was always talking about you."

Maya's anticipation caught her attention, and lit it on fire. She saw nothing but the burning flames of her sanity as she stepped into the careful trap. "He was?"

"Yeah, of course. He always talks about his family."

 _Family._

The word had so many different shades to it. Usually it was her armor, but now it was a shining dagger pointing straight at her. Maya, who was always quick to her feet when she felt danger arising, directed her attention towards the new girl.

"Funny, he didn't mention anything about you to us."

Sophie gave a nonchalant shrug, "I'm pretty sure it was hard for him to talk about his high school girlfriend while his crush was around."

Silence. It was like someone had punched all the air out of her lungs.

"We need to talk."

A stern voice cut through the silence and her senses. She turned around and saw Josh with a dangerous look on his face. It was the first time she saw him so passionate about something, even if it was being passionately angry at someone.

Pixie girl ignored his statement and turned her direction towards Maya and the gang. "You should come to the ski lounge, it's such a beautiful place to be at during the holidays."

"Sophie. Living room. Now" Josh's scream of plea was muted with his frustration.

Pixie girl gave him a cold but distant stare before she silently nodded her head and headed towards the living room. Josh, without even a second of hesitation, or even a glance towards Maya's direction, Josh swiftly exited the kitchen.

Maya sat down in the table looking defeated. She felt the questioning eyes of her friends plastered on her forehead. "What are you guys looking at?"

"So…it's old love meets new love." Farkle finally said.

"You have nothing to worry about Maya, new love always wins!" Riley insisted.

"How do you know that?" Farkle questioned.

"Because! Every movie or story that I watched or read always ends that way!"

"You've seen this happen before?!" Farkle's asked incredulously breaking Riley's focus.

"Yes. Farkle. I did." Riley said through her teeth silently wishing that Farkle would get the hint.

"But- How could you? Without me-?"

Lucas stuffed Farkle's mouth with a spoonful of blueberry pancakes, his eyes never leaving Maya and Sophie. "Eat up Farkle."

"Yeah- Anyways this is much better than the triangle drama that had ended a couple of months back. That one was a mess." Farkle said through the pancakes that were stuffed in his mouth, completely oblivious to how Lucas stiffened at the mention of his triangle.

Maya snorted as Riley turned around and stuffed Farkles mouth with a handful of napkins.

"I knew he had a best friend, that was a girl. I never thought… Gosh, I was so stupid." Maya groaned as she covered her face with her small delicate hands. "I should have known."

"Maya-"

A warm set of hands covered her shoulders, tugging her slightly towards his direction. She didn't need to look up to see who came to her rescue; she could tell from the warming scent that it was Lucas. In the back of her mind she noted how pathetic she must have seemed to others.

"How long have they dated?" Maya asked, secretly afraid of knowing the answer. The truth was her apple in her very own Garden of Eden, she knew she shouldn't want it, but everything about it attacked her senses. Her sudden insecurities started to move towards her like a brewing storm. She desperately watched to see a silver lining in between the storm clouds, but all that she got was the murky color of grey. The color of her life really.

"They started dating during their freshmen year." Riley answered. "I didn't tell you because…"

"Because you thought that it would hurt me. Yeah, I know."

She wasn't mad at Riley. She was madder at herself for not even considering this a possibility. Of course he was going to have a past. Even she had a past, one she wasn't proud of, but it was still a past. It was naïve of her to paint him as a saint when the colors she was using was tainted with ignorance and want, but Maya couldn't help but feel a pang of betrayal. The perfect future of him waiting for her, and for her only; had been torn to pieces.

She had nothing left.

* * *

"You shouldn't have come here."

"Your mother asked me to come by this afternoon."

Josh snorted, "Things are always so simple with you."

Sophie gave a sigh, "You're right. I shouldn't have come back. If I had any decency, then I should never even consider the possibility that we might be able to have a conversation again without you wanting to run out of it. Yet, here I am."

She took a step forward, desperately searching his eyes for any sign of emotion. "It's nice seeing you again."

"I don't have anything to say to you."

His voice was cold and rigid. It was as if he was shooting icicles into her heart. It was hard to pretend that she wasn't fazed by his distance.

When she decided to break things off, she spent months convincing herself that she made the right decision. _It wasn't meant to be. I can't deal with a long-distance relationship. I can't be the person that he wants me to be._ These were just the tip of an ugly iceberg that was too cowardly to even rear its ugly head. But who was she kidding? The truth was that she was scared. She was too scared to commit herself to a relationship that came with a life that she so desperately wanted to get out of. That was why she broke things off when she had the chance.

Back then, she thought she made the right decision, but looking at Josh right now, she realized what an idiot she actually was.

Riley grew up listening to a whole bunch of fairy tales, Cinderella was her best friend when she was growing up and Sleeping Beauty was her idol when she was in pre-school. (She still had pictures of when she was little, 'planking' wherever she went in hopes that her Prince Charming would swoop in with a kiss.) The one thing she admired most about the fairy-tales was the fact that the princesses had always managed to find their Prince Charming in the end.

She wanted that. She wanted her own happy ending with her very own Prince Charming, someone who was going to stand by her side, and know her more than she knew herself. She wanted a friend, a protector, and a lover… She was looking for the whole package, her own Topanga that she could spend her whole life with.

And she had thought she had found him on the subway two years ago.

They were so similar to each other, that it was almost scary. Talking to him came easy because he knew all the right answers to say. It took her a while to realize that it was because they were the same answers that he had wanted to hear from someone else too.

He protected her from all the bad that was in the world, and she kept the good alive inside of him. They were the perfect match.

They assimilated into each other's lives with such ease, that it was only natural for her to assume that being with him was meant to be. Of course, they did have their awkward moments when they first started dating, but Riley didn't think much of it. They were friends who were going on to be something else, of course needed time to ease into their newly found positions.

So, when Riley watched as Lucas started bypassing red and going purple when Maya left the room, she naturally let herself assume that this was one of these moments.

"Lucas- Lucas wait!" Riley said as she shot up and grabbed Lucas's hand, preventing him from running through the kitchen door. "Let them have their moment."

"They shouldn't have any moments together Riley! Don't you see?!"

"Maya deserves to be happy." Riley tried to reason.

"Oh- Please. Stop. For just one moment stop trying to see the best in every situation, and just for once, open your eyes to what's happening right now! Maya can't be with Josh!" Force was put in every word.

This wasn't the Lucas that she had known. This raging blunt creature that was rearing his red head at her face, this not the Lucas she had fallen in love with. She looked down and saw that he was still clinging on to her hands. His tight grip started to hurt her. It was as if he was silently begging for him to stop him. The conflict was so transparent through his clear blue eyes.

"Maya's going to be happy with Josh. I know my best friend. That is what she wants. We can't just stop her from being happy with whom she wants to be happy with." She insisted.

"Josh isn't good for Maya. He's only going to string her along until the next best thing comes."

"He won't do that."

Lucas scoffed. His laughter sounded cold and distant. "Then what has he been doing the last past 2 months?"

Riley stood there in stunned silence.

"We're not all like you Riley. We don't have an endless supply of hope for people stashed away in our Bay Windows. I'm sorry, but I have to do this. Maya's my best friend too." He said as he shook her hands away from his and walked away towards the kitchen door.

She fell helplessly on the nearest chair as she watched the swish of the kitchen doors.

"Farkle-" Riley caught herself saying. "What does this mean?"

Farkle who was speechless as he watched the whole thing play out, took the napkin out of his mouth. "What does what mean Riley?"

"He left." She said as she stared blankly at her rejected hands. "I told him to stay, but he left. He promised that he was going to stay-" She was on the verge of tears.

Farkle sat down in the seat next to her and took her hands, wrapping them in a tight embrace. "It hurts- I had never thought it was going to hurt this much…"

"It hurts because you like him. A lot."

"I don't want to like him this much if it means it's going to hurt like this." She found herself saying.

"You don't mean that. You're just mad at him right now, like he's mad at you. People do things; they say things that they don't really mean when they are mad." Farkle tried to reason.

He was right. That still didn't make things better.

"Remember that time when we were in elementary school, and I had to learn how to tango for my Aunt Margie's wedding." Farkle asked suddenly. He had somehow known that she needed the distraction.

"Yeah-" Riley couldn't help but let out a little laugh at that memory. Farkle was a lot of things, but he wasn't a dancer. Too bad for him, because his Aunt Margie's wish was to see all of her nieces and nephews tango with each other at her wedding. He had come to her one evening with a tango CD in one hand, and a bright red beaded outfit in the other, a look of complete distaste on his face.

"Didn't we practice all night until you finally got the basics down?"

"Yeah. You held my hand like this all throughout the night."

"Well… we couldn't dance without holding hands." Riley said uncertain to why he was suddenly bringing this all up.

"You were there for me Riley, when I felt lost and abandoned. It meant a lot to me." Farkle admitted.

"Farkle. Always." Riley said as she stared straight into his eyes, hoping that he wasn't going to shy away, or worse think that somehow his confession was going to disturb her in some way. "I'm always there for you. Whenever you need me."

"And I'm always there for you, Riley. Whenever you feel like you need something to hold on to, I'll always be there for you." He said as he slightly moved their hands together to prove his point.

She leaned against Farkle's shoulders. They were broader than what she had imagined. "Promise that you won't go."

"I promise." He said without hesitation


	8. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Farkle had always known what he wanted in life; world domination. People had always thought that he was a little crazy when he told them that he planned on ruling over them one day. (Even after he explained that he was planning on ruling over them in the most benevolent way possible.) For some reason, nobody seemed to care about his plans and the ones who did "care" would return his ambition with muffled whispers and distant stares.

He came to realize that there was an unspoken boundary in the world, and between his high ambitions and eccentric ways, he had somehow managed to step out of the acceptable line. Their distant stares and menacing whispers haunted his every step. It didn't take him long to come to realize that he shouldn't be moving at all; who knew what other line he was stepping over? So, he stopped. He stood still, all alone in the vast space that the other had launched him in. It was scary when he was all alone, so he closed his eyes and looked out to the stars.

When he had finally let himself open his eyes, he was standing on Pluto and was looking out at the Moon.

His world had collided with theirs; their gravity gradually pulled him in. He was now longer floating. He was rooted and free to wander. He was finally free to be who he wanted to be… Now the question was who did he want to be?

"I promise." He heard himself say to Riley. The words came so naturally to his mouth because they were nothing but the truth.

* * *

They sat there in silence, leaning against each other, both now not entirely clear on who was pulling who in this time.

"Lucas! What are you doing?!" Maya cried out frantically. "Let go! You're hurting me!"

He stopped abruptly and let go of her hands. She massaged the red print that he had left on her arm. Her arms were now matching her hands.

Everything passed by her in a blur. One moment she was staring out the window in her room, silently contemplating if she should try to sketch the trees outside, and the next she was swift off her feet (literally) and into the hall.

"I'm sorry." He said as he turned around. His gaze faltered as he took a step back from her. It was like he was finally realizing what had just happened. Images of him shoving Josh away and grabbing Maya's hands flashed through his mind, but they all seemed so disconnected. It was like he was watching some kind of show play out. They were now out in the living room and in the front porch.

"What is your problem Huckleberry?" She said rigidly.

"I needed to talk to you." He said defensively.

"Then you go up and say 'I need to talk to you', you don't go and grab a person while she's sitting down and thinking about her art!" She said in frustration. "Are you out of your mind?"

"You were thinking about art?" His voice was dangerously on the brink of amusement. It was reassuring for him that even after seeing all that; Maya could still manage to be Maya.

She rolled her eyes, "What did you expect? That I would be spending the whole day pinning over some guy that I now know was stringing me along the past few years?"

"Technically, he didn't stringing you along."

"Whose side are you on?" She asked begrudgingly as she massaged his grip. "If Riley sent you up, tell her that I' I'm not mad at her for not telling me about him having a girlfriend."

Lucas looked at her reproachfully, "You seem to be taking this entire thing in a calm manner."

She shrugged, "I'm used to my expectations being let down."

"Maya. You shouldn't expect anything from him," Lucas insisted in frustration. "He's not going to be the person that you need him to be."

"And what's the type of person I need?" Maya asked, her eyes silently probing his. "You seem to know, so let's hear it because God forbid I really want to know."

"He's not going to be there for you. Look around, he's not even here for you now!" Lucas shouted in frustration.

He was right, as always.

"You're right."

He let out a small sigh of relief, "Forget about him. Forget about everything that you can't have. Find someone who can be there for you, someone who will always have your back, someone-"

"Someone like you?"

The silence that came afterwards was unbearable. They had set foot to the land of no return and here they were wondering who crossed the line first.

* * *

Farkle had found Lucas out in the back of the cabin. He was throwing fallen tree branches out into the open; it looked like he was playing fetch with some invisible dog. Farkle silently contemplated who looked more broken; him or the tree branches.

"Hey." Farkle called out as he approached him.

Lucas turned around numbly and softly acknowledged that he was no longer alone.

"How's Riley?" He asked as soon as Farkle sat next to him. The snow crunched softly against his feet.

"I wouldn't know. I'm not her, but if I had to make a guess… I would say that she had better days."

"How's Maya?" Farkle asked tentatively. "Is she doing okay?"

"She's better than I expected she would be."

After everything that happened, he thought that he would feel a sense of closure, and yet he felt so lost. It was uncharacteristic for him to feel so lost. Ever since he was little, he was the one who had all the plans. He was the guy with the answers, the one you would go to when you were feeling lost and confused. But that brought up the question...who was he to go to when he was feeling lost and confused?

"Maya can't hurt you, like you can't hurt her. You two are like each other's protectors. You care for each other. Maybe you care a little too much… but you still care, nonetheless."

"Do I care too much?" He contemplated.

Farkle shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, you tell me."

"I don't know… I don't know what I think anymore." Lucas said as he brought his hands up to his face. "I just wish someone would come up and tell me what these feelings actually mean."

Farkle studied his best friend carefully. He had never seen his perfect friend be so perfectly defeated

"You like her."

"I like Riley too." As soon as the words came out of his mouth he realized how pathetic he actually was. Was it possible to feel something for two people at the same time, with such intensity?

"You're wrong." He said, but his words wavered with uncertainty.

"I know." Farkle replied simply, clearly unfazed with the fact that he was wrong about something. Usually telling Farkle that he was wrong was treason that ended with a dire punishment.

"You know?"

"Am I?" Farkle asked as he got up to his feet, brushing off the snow that clung to his pants. "Lucas. I know you're a decent guy, and I know that you don't do these things on purpose, but I'm still going to ask anyways."

"Ask me what?" Lucas asked carefully. Farkle had seemed suddenly stiff as his eyes focused on a spot somewhere over his head.

"Please don't hurt her."

"Riley?"

"Riley and Maya. They're both my ladies. You're not the only one out there who wants to protect them."

Lucas paused as he watched Farkle walk away from him.

"Farkle-" Lucas shouted out to Farkle. Farkle stopped in his tracks, but didn't turn around.

Lucas walked up to him. They were now standing side by side with each other. He peered carefully down at Farkle's face, which was stone hard and unmoving. "Thanks for checking in."

* * *

Maya was planning to spend the whole day sulking in her room. She had everything prepared, a cup of hot chocolate and a set of drawing pencils. She was just starting to sketch out the horizon of her painting when she saw a bike pull up into the driveway.

It was Josh.

She felt her whole body freeze and then regenerate. It was like she was too jolted to move. He got off and headed towards the entrance, with a strained expression on his face.

"Don't get your hopes up Maya. It's not like he came here for you." She chanted to herself before resuming her painting.

Just as she started to sketch a few trees she heard the bedroom room open. She turned around and saw his moody character fill up the entrance.

She noticed everything about him. The way that he clenched they keys in his hands, the way that his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, as if he wasn't sure why he even opened the door in the first place and the way his eyes soften ever so slightly once he saw her perched up against the window.

"Can we talk?"

"That seems to be the only thing we did today." She simply put it, acting her best to seem as distant to him as possible. She wanted him to know that she was angry, or at the very least, not happy about him leaving her in the morning. "I didn't know that you rode a bike."

"I keep it here in Philly. There's no reason to bring it to New York when you can go anywhere using public transportation."

"Cool... so… Sophie?"

He started to visually tense. To say things were complicated with Sophie was an understatement. He had dated the girl for 4 years and known her for almost his entire life, and yet he still couldn't tell what was going through her mind. The last thing he was expecting was her to show up at his doorstep and act as if nothing between them actually happened.

But what was more complicated was the unknown obligation of having to explain himself to Maya.

"It's complicated."

Maya snorted, "Yeah. Having heard you were in a three year relationship I was expecting it to be, at the very least, complicated."

Josh took a deep breath as he ran his hands through his hair. "To tell you the truth, I don't even know why I'm up here explaining myself to you."

His last sentence came out feeble. Maya caught it and held on to the small strain of hope he was flashing towards her, "Well. You came up here; the least you could do is tell me what happened between you and her."

"I was the one who started things, and she was the one who broke things off."

This time it was Maya's turn to feel nervous. She tried to act as if it didn't bother her, but she had one of those faces that projected every emotion that was bounding through her head.

"We did everything together when we were little, and we were doing everything else once we were actually really together. I had thought that I had finally found her. My own Topanga. I had our whole life planned out. It was going to be me and her against the world. We were going to last. I was so sure of it."

"Then what happened?"

He let out a shaky laugh. "Apparently I was the only one who was so sure. She wasn't so sure that we could last when she found out that she got into Berkely and I got into NYU."

"Oh-" A sunken feeling overtook her. "So you didn't break up because you both mutually fell out of love with each other?"

He ran his hands through his thick brown hair. "I'm not sure that's how break-ups work out." He finally managed to say.

"Then how do break-up's work?"

"There still needs to be some love in the relationship for it to die. You still need to care for someone to convince yourself and the other person that ending the relationship is the best option for both of you."

It took a while for Maya to digest what Josh had just said. It was hard to be rational when he was almost admitting that he still had feelings for Sophie. Or at least he did when he broke things off with her.

"So you're admitting that you still have feelings for her?" A fear gripped her thoughts as she held on to Josh's hands as if it was going to vanish right before her eyes.

"I'm trying to say that you need fuel to feed the fire."

Him and his metaphors. A long prolonged silence over took them. "So is she the reason why you didn't want to start things with me a couple of months back?"

"No." He said his voice full with sudden confidence. "She was the last thing I was thinking about a couple of months back."

Maya's ears perked up. "So, there's hope?"

"My reasons for not taking things a step further stay the same. I don't want to jump into things. You still have the whole of high school to experience; I don't want to take that away from you."

"And you still want to experience collage life without having a high school girlfriend to worry about?" Maya challenged back.

"It's not like that. When you see that it's not like that, then you'll understand."

"And what if I don't understand?"

Her voice was dangerously cold. She saw him flinch slightly at her words.

"You will. Eventually." His words were filled with a foreign determination.

And with that he left her. Alone, with empty sentences she was left to fill out.


	9. Chapter 10

"Did you see him yet?" Conner asked as he leaned over the counter.

"Yep." Sophie replied, staring blankly at the cocktail that her best friend had prepared. The murky swirls of bright blue water were endearingly similar to his eyes. The daunting presence of Josh's very existent romantic life loomed over her thoughts.

Josh.

He had set fire to her fading heart with just one piercing glance, and it was entirely unfair.

"Uh-oh." He muttered out.

"What? What did I say?"

"That's the problem, you didn't say anything." Conner pointed out as he crossed his arms and turned briefly to observe his best friend who was now slinking in her seat. He didn't want to jump to conclusions, but it was pretty clear that Sophie was everything but okay.

Sophie rolled her eyes. Conner always had a tendency to be a little too dramatic. "You want to hear the truth?"

"Every ugly part of it." He confirmed.

"We drove together in complete silence, and he dropped me off without even as so glancing in my direction. It was as if he was rushing me away."

"He might have had other things to take care of?" Conner offered

"That's what's worrying me." She admitted sullenly. "His priorities were always-"

"You?" Conner asked nonchalantly without even looking up from his work.

Sophie blushed ever so slightly. "Did you talk to him when he came in yesterday?"

"I think we might have said a few words to each other when he came down to help me out." He added sarcastically.

Conner was one of the few people who were always strongly against them being together. He himself had a few run in's with 'love' to know that it never stuck around to play. When his two best friends told him that they were together he was happy for them, but that happiness lasted only for a few seconds. After reality sunk in, he had secretly wished that someone would throw him away with their friendship that was already making its way out the window. Breakups eventually happened to even the strongest of couples. Still, it tore him up after seeing how distant his two best friends actually were after the breakup.

"Could he have possibly… I don't know… said anything about me?" She asked as nonchalantly.

Conner raised his eyebrows in amusement. "It might be possible."

Before he knew it, Sophie had climbed over the counter and grabbed him by the collar, a fierce fire in her eyes. "Tell. Me." She gritted through her teeth.

"Down… down girl-"

"Conner. I'm serious. You need to tell me. What did Josh say?"

"I would tell you, but it's kind of hard to say anything right now with you literally breathing down my throat."

Sophie let go of his shirt collar as quickly as possible.

"Thank you." He said as he patted down the ruffles that were made in his uniform. "He asked if you were coming home for the holidays, I told him that I didn't know because I really didn't know. Just on the side note, you should call before you abruptly decide to travel across the country to spend the holidays with us."

"Did he say anything else?"

"There might have been moment where I did kind of question if he was still over you…" Conner's voice was thick with hesitation.

Sophie's eyes widen with excitement as her heart started to flutter with hope.

"There was this party that happened last night. It was supposed to be a party only for the ski lodge guests, but I helped him sneak in."

"You guys sneaked into a party?!" She asked in exasperation.

"Hey! What else was I supposed to do? My best friend was in college and the only relationship that he was in was with his high school niece's best friend. And even that was a pending relationship! With a high school student! She's not even legal yet! Being the righteous friend that I always am to him, I provided him with an opportunity to spread his wings and fly away."

A sunken feeling overtook her. It felt like her insides had bypassed green and was turning black. "So who did he fly away with?"

"See, there were these smoking hot twin blonds who were totally coming on to us, and Josh seemed to be okay with them joining us anyways so I invited them over to our table."

"How?"

"Oh… well they went like this-" He said as he grabbed the counter and did a little shimmy that could never be mistaken as a wave. "And then they did something like this-" He said as he ducked and started to shake his butt.

"No!" She exclaimed in disgust as she covered her eyes. "I mean how did you know that Josh was okay with them?"

"I asked him." He said simply as he got up. "He did that thing with his shoulders; I took that as a yes. I even let him have the better looking of the twins and my boy still couldn't make it to second base!"

"They're twins Conner; they're supposed to be identical."

"Shhh-" He said seriously as he put a finger to her lips as he started to look around. "Don't let Sherrie hear you say that."

She pushed his finger away. "So what happened after that?"

"I don't know. They seemed to be having a good time before I left with Sherrie. I thought they were really going to hit it off but-"

"But-?"

Conner's mind flashed back to a couple of nights before. He really thought that his friend was having a good time. It had been months since he had seen his best friend laugh with a girl like he really meant it. Josh had even seemed okay with Hailey touching his arm while they were talking. That was the reason why he had decided to leave the table; he wanted to give his friend some space to spread his wings and fly away.

That last thing he could ever expect was seeing Josh towards him after only 20 minutes of being alone, shouting that he had to be somewhere else.

"Why?" Sophie asked after hearing his explanation. "Did something happen?"

"The day of the party was December 17th." He said dead set serious.

Oh. A rush of relief hit her hard as she staggered to keep her calm. December 17th was the day, the first day that they said 'I love you' to each other.

It was a Monday, the day that Josh had finally published his story in the school newspaper. The News Crew didn't allow articles written by freshmen to be published in the school newspaper, but apparently Josh's investigative piece on 'The Health Conditions Concerning the School Locker' was a hit. She precisely remembered how proud he was of himself as he came bounding down the halls towards her, the goofy smile she came to love plastered so bluntly on his face. It was an unexpected pleasure when he took her hand and led her to an empty classroom, so ready to tell her his big news.

 _'You were the first person who came to my mind when I heard the news, so I wanted you to be the first one to know.'_

 _'Me and not Conner? I'm flattered.' She joked._

 _'I couldn't tell Conner.' He said suddenly serious._

 _'Why?' She asked even though she knew the answer. She held her breath and his he leaned forward._

 _'Because I wanted to tell you first. You are always be the first person that comes into my mind.'_

They had promised to go back to that exact spot they said those words to each other every year. It was their foolish way of trying to prove to the universe that their relationship was going to last. She didn't keep her end of the promise this year. She couldn't. She was thousands of miles away.

"You need to let him go Sophie. He hasn't been exactly the same ever since you broke things off with him." Conner said suddenly very serious.

"What if I don't want to?" She heard herself say.

Conner hesitated. "What are you trying to say?"

"I want him back Conner. I want my best friend back in my life again."

"You should have thought about that when you broke things off with him! What do you expect him to do? Go back running into your arms once you tell him that you want him back? Because news flash, he's not going to do that." But even as he was saying it, he wasn't so convinced.

It was because he knew Josh and Sophie, he was there to witness the beautiful mess of a relationship they had shared. He was never going to admit it, but he envied what they had shared. He had saw how much they cared for each other, and how perfectly they fit with one another. They shared a past that only strengthened their present and ensured a future. There was no way that his friend could be completely over that so easily.

"I have to try."

* * *

Josh left Maya's room in a rush, strangely gulping for air. It was only then did he realize that he was holding in his breath the whole time they were having that conversation. His body, once tense with confused emotions, started to unreel. By some miracle, he managed to find his way into his bedroom in one piece. However, just as he was about to plop down on his bed, a foreign lump that was staring up at him overtook his senses.

"My Brother!"

Corry Matthews said as he peered at him from his bed. Corry was wrapped in blankets with his head and curly brown locks popping from the creases of the blanket.

"Corry!" Josh said as he took a step back from surprise. "What are you doing in my bed?"

"I thought mom and dad told you about the sleeping arrangements. Topanga and I are going to sleep in your room while you are supposed to sleep in-"

"Sleep in?"

Corry burrowed his eyebrows in frustration, "I forgot."

Josh groaned as he sat on the edge of his bed, careful not to sit on top of any parts of his brother. "Great. That's just great."

"I sense that someone's a bit frustrated. What's wrong?" Corry asked attentively.

"What's wrong? Oh, I don't know. Maybe the fact that my ex-girlfriend just comes popping into my life as if our breakup didn't happen might be what's wrong. Oh, no. Wait. That's not it. Geeze, I don't know. Maybe it could be because Riley and her friends think that I'm a jerk for playing Maya and now Maya thinks so too!"

"I'm sure Maya doesn't think that."

Josh groaned as he buried his face in his hands, "You should have seen the way she looked at me when I was talking to her. It was the first time I felt like she wasn't listening to me."

"Did you explain everything to her?"

Josh looked up. Corry's eyes were silently probing his. His big brother might seem childish at certain points, but times like these; Josh could really feel the age gap between them.

"I- I don't know."

"Josh. You're my brother and I'm here for you, but Maya's also like my daughter. I'm going to admit. There are some times when I see her with you and I question-" Corry faltered.

"Question what?"

"Question if you really need to keep her hopes up like that."

Complete silence overtook the room. Josh felt so lost, his intentions so misplaced. It was like he was surrounded my misunderstandings that were threatening to drown him if he made another bad move. It was hard to stop from drowning when all he had left were supposedly "bad moves".

"I- I don't want her in my life. Not right now anyways."

Corry's glance towards him still stood silent and free without judgement. "Is that because of Sophie? Do you still have feelings for her?"

"It's hard not to have any feelings left for your first serious girlfriend. Don't we all?"

Corry let out a small laugh, "Not for me. My first serious girlfriend was the girl I started dating in the second grade. She was the first girl to ever give me half of her peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The only serious feelings I have left for her is curiosity on where she brought her peanut butter from because it was a really good sandwich."

Josh snickered, "Must have been some sandwich."

"Must have been really something, you and Sophie."

"It's over now."

"Then why not Maya? Because of the age difference?" Corry asked.

Josh felt the truth slide into his mouth and fill his mind with temptation. He was so close to the truth, all he had to do was spill it out. It was his sanity that was holding him back. He wasn't going to just spill it out a secret he had worked so hard to keep just because his brother told him some cheesy story about his first serious girlfriend.

Yet. It was a good story…

What the heck. "Because I don't want to make the same mistake I did with Sophie. I don't want her to come into my life when both of us know deep down the timing isn't right. Chances are if we start anything, sooner or later, she's going to go off to college at least a thousand miles away from me and things are going to end. And-"

"And?"

"I'm not even sure what I feel for Maya. Whenever I'm with her, it's like I'm swept up in her whirlwind of emotions. Whatever she's feeling, I'm feeling too. She has the effect on me. How can I be so sure that what I feel for Maya is love?"

Josh felt Corry's hands pat the small of his back in reassurance. "My ignorant little brother, you're never going to know if you continue to pull up your guard whenever she's around. Go with the flow, ride whatever emotional wave she takes you on, and if you like where you both land then-" Corry tossed the rest of his hopeful statement up in the air hoping that his little brother would catch them before they fell.

Josh's eyes widened. "You want me to give Maya a chance? Like a real chance?"

"All I'm saying is that you're never going to know if Maya is the one when you continue to block her out. Let her in, and just see where she positions in your life."

Before Josh could ask anything more, Corry let the room in a hurry at the sound of Topanga calling him from downstairs.


	10. Update

Hi Everyone!

So I'm back

I first want to address why I was gone in the first place. There were a couple of reasons but the strongest one me being generally unhappy about the whole pacing of the story. To me, them getting together just right after Josh saw Sophie made no sense at all. Everything after that seemed just too rushed out and out of order. This is why I first decided to drop the whole story all together.

Then I read your reviews and realized I needed to come back and finish it.

I'm reconstructing the whole story over, so I recommend you re-read it after it's completed. There are chapters that need to be added and scenes to be deleted. I'll try to complete the story as soon as possible!


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